My foot hurts. Can I go to the nurse?

I don't get why I care so much what people think about me. It's not even all people, just specific people that I like. I think the people that I like are the people that would never be friends with me. And if there is any hint of a mutual like--platonic or otherwise--I promptly ruin it by jumping on and smothering it out of just sheer anxious excitement that I can deal with not having it every day. Did any of that make sense? But I need to stop thinking about everybody else, and stop worrying about this person maybe liking me, or wanting to hang out with that person. I mean, I've got plenty of friends in Chicago already and many events and opportunities to make more coming up. So I should just concentrate on other things. Like writer's block. Now, I know it makes me sound like a whiney melodramatic "writer" snob, but I guess it's a real thing. And I have it. My story has been stuck where it is since I packed up my typewriter in San Francisco.

I mean, why do I want to be friends with people that don't want to be friends with me anyway? Why am I so terrified of rejection? I'm pretty goddamn awesome and if other people don't see that, that's their loss, right? Yeah, that's it. Take that! I need to stop worrying so much about the internet too. The internet, my friends, is not at all real life. This post is silly. My legs hurt from biking a ridiculous distance last Saturday. I need to eat some protein.

Fuck this! I'm going to Quiznos.

I'm 20 years old. I have a real job. And by "real" I mean an office job that I work at 40 hours a week, 2 hour commute and health benefits included. It's not all bad as far as jobs are concerned. I mean, I get to sit here at my desk right now and post a stupid blog because there's nothing else to do. What sucks though is just that--that there is nothing to do. And when there is stuff to do it's boring, menial, mindless work. Which, again, not that bad because it's low-stress. But it's silly and not at all mentally stimulating. Also, I live paycheck to paycheck which seems ridiculous for someone that has a "real job." Like right now, for example, I don't have the money in my bank account to go food shopping because I owe the State of Nevada $182 for doing 85 in a 65, I owe the city of San Francisco $65 for not putting change in the meter (and then forgetting about the ticket) and the State of Illinois is currently in possesion of a check for $143 for the Title to my car. This week, my paycheck was shorted $400 that I was going to use to--foremost--buy toys and new litter for my cat, Tom Waits and then go grocery shopping with and hopefully have some cash leftover to go to Dillinger Four tomorrow and then pay my ridiculous cable bill (living by yourself is not as awesome as it seems).

Now, of course I'm going to buy my D4 ticket in about 20 minutes and instead of going grocery shopping I'll shell out $7 to go to Quiznos and get myself a 6-meat stack with a drink and chips. See that's the problem right there. I don't have enough money to go food shopping, so I'm just going to take care of my one meal for today. Coincidentally if I ate a 6-meat stack with a drink and chips every day, I'd be even more poor than I am right now. Probably to the point of not being able to afford that cable I spoke of earlier. But that's what I've been doing the last month, eating much to expensive and much too delicious fast food--because I can't afford to go grocery shopping. So it's more than just living paycheck to paycheck but living day to day. Maybe I'll be able to buy groceries tomorrow, maybe I'll have $10 in my bank account so I can eat that day. But anyway, I think the point of this is that I am terrible at budgeting my finances because really, this job pays really well. And the cost of living in Chicago is so cheap that I'm borderline rich compared to my San Francisco friends.

I feel like I had more to say than this. I guess I don't.

The original scroll of Jack Kerouac's On The Road is coming to Columbia College in October/November and seeing as how I'm reading Edie Kerouac-Parker's memoirs of her time with him, this is more than fitting. I couldn't be happier, really. I guess I did have more to say.

Great Lake!

Back from a 4 month hiatus and living in Chicago. Oh, Speak Easily, how much there is to tell you about.