I'm asking you on a date for the rest of your life

You don't know what you got til it's gone.

I've been thinking about you a lot. So much a lot! I can't believe I knew you and loved you and experienced you. I feel so honored, to be honest. Four days! Four days was all it took to create a friendship that lasted the rest of your life. I can't believe I actually had to guts to hop on a train and meet you--an almost complete stranger--in Manhattan after only knowing you for a few hours. What a strange coincidence it was that we were in the right place at the right time.

Remember sitting in Union Square and being left alone and just talking. And I think that's when you told me about your dad, that he died when you were 17. And I told you that my dad too, except I was 14.

And then that night we sat on my mom's back deck and we drank beer and talked about life and the end of the world. The apocolypse! We talked about the apocolypse and I demanded you stop because it freaked me out. Do you remember?

Sitting outside the side door and having a conversation in Spanish about why we couldn't have sex that night. And you told me that your relationship was doomed to fail and I should've known then that mine was too.

Two shots of 99 Bananas and another conversation on my mom's front stoop in the warm, humid Long Island night and you kissed me. And I kissed you back and it was the most wonderful makeout session of my life. And I was scared that my mom, or my sister or your friend would catch us. But I didn't care because it felt right and it was right and I knew it was right.

And you promised! You promised me that you would move to San Francisco and you would take care of me. We'd have a beautiful apartment somewhere--anywhere--and you would pay for what I couldn't afford. You said "I think we'd make a really good couple" and I said "When my boyfriend and I break up we'll get married." and you said "I'll be dead by 30." And of course you were.

But you loved me! You really really loved me and everything there was to love (and hate) about me, you loved it all! You wanted to take care of me, you would do anything in your power to make sure I was happy and well taken care of. All you cared about was me.

I'm sorry things were so twisted and I'm sorry hindsight is so clear and I'm sorry I thought I was in love with something that ended up being a failure. It was you I was in love with, you I was weant to be with. I wish you were here with me right now. I will never love anybody the way I loved you and I'm sorry I was too blind to see what was right in front of me, waiting. That too...waiting you were waiting for me.

I was so lucky and so stupid! I love you!